An Exercise in Changing Yourself

There is much talk about the need for individuals, teams and organisations to change. There are also many models and techniques for change management, however research shows that while we have a myriad plans and techniques for change, not many of them happen. Before we can transform our organisation - or the world - it is useful to start with ourselves. 

The difficulty in changing individual behaviour isn’t a lack of motivation or intelligence — the problem is that we are often too busy or try to change too much at once. So, picking just the one behavior pattern for personal change can make a big difference. If we pick the right area to change and focus on doing it, this usually influences other aspects of our lives and relationships with people. For example, more effective listening may lead to greater clarity of people’s needs and expectations, improved understanding of ‘real’ issues, better rapport and relationships, increased customer satisfaction and higher engagement of team members. 

A Powerful Exercise

This is a powerful exercise that helps you select the thing that makes the most sense to change because it helps you determine the benefits of change. This helps you decide whether change is worth it.

Start by completing the sentence with one benefit that will occur if you make this change: 

“When I become better at … I will…”

For example, “When I become better at listening, I will have more good ideas.”

Now repeat the sentence again: "When I get better at..." and add another benefit that could occur if you carry out this change.  Do this a third and fourth time, describing a different benefit each time.

Listen as you recite each potential benefit. You will be amazed at how quickly you can determine whether this change is worth it for you. 

Group Process

Four to six people sit around a table, and each person selects one practice to change. After everyone has had a chance to discuss their specific behaviour and the first benefit, the cycle begins again. 

Each person then mentions a second benefit that may result from changing the same behaviour, then a third, continuing for several rounds. 

After the rounds are completed, participants discuss what they have learned and their reactions to the exercise. 

It is ok if you are skeptical about the value of repeating the benefits of change over and over. Once you try it for yourself and see it done by a group of people, the skepticism usually disappears. 

Examples of Powerful Impact

A high-ranking military leader directly responsible for thousands of troops was at a large conference of corporations, nonprofits, government, and the military. He was extremely judgmental and seemed to be proud of it. For example, when participants discussed the topic of character, he said: "I respect people with real character — and organisations, like mine, with real values. I don't believe in this situational crap!" 

When this exercise this military leader chose: "When I become less judgmental..." as his behaviour to change. The first time around he coughed and grunted a sarcastic comment rather than talk about a real benefit. The second time around he continued to be cynical. 

Then something changed. When he described a third potential benefit, he stopped being sarcastic. A few rounds later, he had tears in his eyes, and said: "When I become less judgmental, maybe my children will speak to me again." 

Many people start with benefits that are "corporately correct," such as: "This change will help my company make more money," and finally end with benefits that are more human, such as: "This change will make me a better person." 

One hard-driving executive chose: "When I get better at letting go" as the behavior he should work on. His first benefit was that his direct reports would take more responsibility. His final benefit was that he would probably live to celebrate his 60th birthday!