Sssshhh. Listen.
Written by Heather Wringe
Saying less and listening more is crucial to communicating effectively.
So often we seek to be right, rather than to understand.
Listening is a core skill in effective communication – whether coaching, providing feedback or managing up. The problem is, many of us are not very good at it!
We are taught to read, write and speak, but are we ever taught to truly listen?
Hearing is not the same as listening. Hearing describes the unconscious physical action of receiving sounds in our ear. Listening, on the other hand, is a conscious act that requires attention.
As a parent, I have caught myself on countless occasions nodding and murmuring in agreement to my daughter’s seemingly incessant chatter, while my mind is focused on a myriad other things...then realising all too late that I’ve agreed to let her do something completely outlandish. Oops! It can be challenging to slow down and pay attention – at work and at home. But not doing so can affect our relationships, cause errors and misunderstandings, and ultimately impact overall performance. By learning to listen actively, we may become better leaders and improve outcomes.
Active Listening
Active listening means listening beyond the words themselves. That is, paying attention not just to the words that are spoken, but also the non-verbal clues, without rushing to judgements, making assumptions, or offering solutions. It allows us to gain a deeper understanding of people, issues and the bigger picture.
Key Elements of Active Listening
Be present. By focussing our awareness fully on the conversation in that moment, we can absorb more information than just the words being spoken. Non-verbal cues, as well as noticing what’s not being said, can give us insight to the broader context, which is critical to understanding the content. Being present allows us to absorb and process the communication more effectively.
Set you own agenda aside. As humans, we are often quick to judge, assume and project our own perspective on a situation. To truly listen we must be aware of how our own filters and preferences interfere with our understanding. Avoid deciding what you will say in response while the other person is still talking.
Be curious. By saying less and asking more, we show that we are interested in the other person, and genuine in our intent to understand. Questions allow an exploration of the real issue and demonstrate engagement. We can learn a lot through asking questions.
Reflect. Demonstrate an understanding of what you have heard and noticed, and share this with the other person when the conversation allows. Paraphrasing and summarising not only convey our interest, but also help us organise the information and confirm that we have taken in the most pertinent detail.
These elements of active listening ensure we are better placed to offer guidance, direction, feedback and viewpoints. Listening effectively is not always easy – it takes practice. Try using these principles next time you find yourself in a conversation with your manager, your team member, or…your children!