It's OK to Hiss
Written by Ron Cacioppe
Sometimes it is OK (and necessary) to get a little tough.
Many people confess to being overly nice and accommodating, letting other people get away with too much because they don’t want to hurt them. They have doubts they are doing the right thing or just don’t like being tough because of the consequences and potential toll it may have on themselves or the other person. The following story may help to better understand that at times, it is OK to get a little tough.
There was once a vicious snake in the hills near a small village. The snake was very poisonous and had bitten several people. The villagers didn’t go anywhere near that area because they were all afraid of the snake.
After a few years however, the snake became bored and lonely because no one came near it anymore. One day a wandering wise woman came by and saw the snake looking dejected and depressed.
“I’m bored and lonely because no one comes near me anymore. What should I do?” asked the snake.
“Don’t bite” said the wise woman, and then continued on her journey.
So the snake decided not to bite or attack anyone that came near.
Soon some children strayed into his area. When they saw the snake, they threw stones at it and were surprised when the snake just lay there and didn’t react. The children picked up a stick and hit it a few times before running away. It wasn’t long before the villagers learned that the vicious snake didn’t bite anymore. The older boys went to where the snake lived and threw rocks at it, hitting it with large sticks. One boy even picked up the snake, twirled him around and threw him against a tree. The boys taunted and laughed at the snake, but he continued to do nothing.
This went on for several months until the wise woman, coming back from her travels, once again saw the snake on his path. This time the snake looked truly awful. He was bruised and beaten and looked even more unhappy than their last encounter.
“What happened to you?” asked the wise woman.
“I did what you told me to do and now look at me!” said the snake. “I should never have taken your advice!”
“I told you not to bite” said the wise woman, “but I didn’t say you couldn’t hiss!”
At times during a courageous conversation, it may be necessary to hiss. If a person is being extremely unreasonable, abusive or offensive to your or someone else during the conversation you may hiss. Hissing can involve:
Saying in a strong voice, “Don’t speak that way to me”
Clearly drawing a line (be specific about the unacceptable behaviour) and if the person steps across it, implementing immediate consequences.
Using controlled anger and letting the person know clearly that their action will not be tolerated.
Telling the person you will hang up if they continue to speak that way on the phone.
Asking them to leave the meeting or session, “We will not continue this meeting until you use appropriate language”