The skill of listening

Listening is a crucial skill for coaching. Contextual listening is a method of listening beyond the words. It seeks to uncover what is the real point of view? What are the things that might be in a person’s life or from the context of their life that they bring to the conversation? 

• Listen for clues to the situation. Clues can be fleeting.

• Ask questions to draw out the context. Context is critical for understanding the content.

• Say what you heard to verify your understanding.

Components of Powerful Contextual Listening

• Set your own agenda aside

• Listen for what’s NOT being said

• Avoid making quick assumptions

• Avoid deciding what you will say in response while the person is still talking

• Let them know your understanding of what you heard and noticed and share it when there is an opportunity.

Coaching TIP – Fact OR Filters?

Our knowledge, experience and intention filter what we hear and influence what we say. What we think are facts may be our filters. 

Common sources of filters:

• Interpretation or definition of words

• The context of hearing the information

• How connected we are to the outcome and the pressures we feel

• External influences like time or interruptions

• Cultural, educational and status differences

• Personal experiences or biases

What can we do to minimise the impact?

• Keep focused on the coachee’s agenda

• Use Contextual Listening

• Aim for precision of words, questions, statements and messages

• Clarify, clarify and clarify again if you need to

• Notice when you start to “remember a time when”

• Notice when you “KNOW” what they are about to say

• Avoid rushing to a solution or fixing the problem

A mindfulness exercise is a helpful way to ensure we truly listen and are fully present. Try this before a coaching conversation to maintain your focus.

You can read more about the core skill of listening here. And if you'd like to measure how well you listen, you can download a simple assessment sheet here.