Preparing for a Coaching Conversation: Especially a Difficult One

Written by Ron Cacioppe

Managers recognise that preparing for a conversation with another person, especially one where the discussion needs to cover unacceptable behaviour or poor performance, is one of the important elements to ensure a positive outcome. Yet managers also acknowledge this is one area they often don’t do as well as they should. 

The following are some key points to consider. 

A Preparing for Coaching Conversation Worksheet is also provided at the end. This worksheet can be used for any coaching meeting, for a difficult, average or good performing staff member.

Clear objectives for the meeting

This involves being clear on the objectives and outcomes on want to achieve? It also means spending some time to determine the gap between current and desired behaviour

Also consider what would be the ideal outcome, what would the behaviours and performance look like if things changed? It is also useful to ask what the other person wants as an ideal outcome. For example, they might want to be considered a good performing employee and also to be able to get home in time, so they can spend more time with their children.

Seeing it through their eyes 

It is also useful to consider what their point of view might be before the meeting. What are the problems they are having that might relevant to the situation?

Also, examine your own attitude to see whether you have biases or preconceived ideas or judgements about them and what you need to let go of so that you can have an open and problem solving approach to the meeting.

Opening

One of the biggest things to consider is what to say to open the discussion. Write out the specific words you plan to use so that you can be sure that nothing is said that could put the other person on their heels to start the meeting. For example, one manager who meant to say the meeting was about acknowledging what areas the person was doing well and what areas they could improve on, started the meeting with: “Thanks for coming to this meeting. You’ve been doing some good work but I just want to tell you what you’ve done wrong and how you can improve.”

In the first few minutes of the conversation ask open and curious questions to find the other persons views on things, their job, the situation, their behaviour. As Steven Coffey says: 

"Seek first to understand. Preparing some questions ahead of time can be useful as the conversation often moves very quickly once it begins."

Staying Calm

Staying calm and clear headed during the conversation is essential. Sometimes these conversations can get heated and emotional. Having techniques such as taking deep breaths or just being aware the tension you have in your body and letting it go can be very useful.

Also asking your self: “What is the worst thing that could happen as a result of this conversation?” can take the feeling that this could result in a catastrophe out of the meeting.

Be aware of what buttons or triggers in you get pushed (e.g. being criticised or when the other person doesn’t give honest answers) and the reaction they trigger in you

Also, take some time before the meeting to pause and let go the phone call or meeting you just came from. Set your intention to be open, positive and clear on what you want the meeting to achieve.

Location & Time

Decide where you will meet: your office, a meeting room, his or her office or a café. Some people have a meeting walking outside in a park. Each sends a message and can be appropriate for the message you want to send, whether you want to be equal or use the authority of your office. 

Since people often work at different places so using phone video or video conferencing adds another dimension to the discussion.A video phone discussion can be quite effective, but it does add a different quality to the meeting.

The day and time of day is also important. Early morning before the day gets busy, at lunch time or at the end of day sets a different tone and the energy levels will be different. What day and time?

Prior Communication

Finally, determine how and what you will I communicate to the person before the meeting (e.g. phone, email or face-to-face). Giving too little or too much information, might result in the person being highly anxious the nights and days before the meeting. For example: “I need to discuss with you what you said that got everyone riled up during the meeting last Tuesday’, compared to: “I’d like to hear your thoughts on what happened at the meeting last Tuesday and what impact you think it had.”

The way this message is sent can either set a positive tone or can put someone into a defensive or antagonistic mindset before the meeting even occurs.

Making sure you set time aside to go over these points (and using the Worksheet template) can be very important in making sure the conversation has every chance of succeeding.

Preparing for Coaching Conversations Worksheet

Download the worksheet to help your prepare for any coaching meeting; for a difficult, average or well performing staff member.