Why do we avoid difficult conversations?

Many of us avoid instigating difficult conversations – they can make us feel uncomfortable, and there is usually something important at stake. Identifying why we avoid them can be a good place to start in preparing to have difficult conversations.

• Why do you avoid difficult conversations?

• Confrontation could escalate the problem

• I could be rejected

• I could lose the relationship

• Force an outcome for which I am not prepared to accept

• Retaliation

• The cure could be worse than the disease

• Deal with irrational or emotional outbursts

• I might hurt his/her feelings

• I could discover I am part of the problem

• Other

It is important to consider the impact of not taking action - on you, your team and your organisation. Ask yourself the following questions:

• What is the cost of delaying this conversation?

• Will delaying this conversation help the problem go away?

• Who am I protecting by not having this conversation?

• What is the worst possible thing that can happen if I have the chat?

• Am I making assumptions about how they will respond?

• How will I be helping this person by having this conversation?

• If I were in their shoes, would I prefer someone had the conversation with me?

• Is it possible they will appreciate me having this conversation with them?

• Will having this conversation improve things in the long run?

• Is having this conversation more aligned with my preferred leadership style or reputation than not having it?

By reflecting on these points, we can better prepare ourselves for holding these difficult conversations, and ultimately reduce the impact of avoiding them. While avoiding these conversations may feel more comfortable in the short-term, having them will be more useful in the long-run.