Mindful Listening for Constructive Conversations
Written by Heather Wringe
The many benefits of mindfulness include improved communication and relationships – mindfulness allows us to think and speak clearly, to listen actively, and respond rather than react. When we react, we are more likely to become angry or defensive, direct blame and allow our emotions to direct our judgment. By responding, however, we can more calmly and rationally manage the situation at hand.
An effective way to incorporate mindfulness into our communication is to practice mindful listening. This involves being fully present, focusing our attention on what is being said as well as the non-verbal cues (such as body language, tone of voice, eye contact), and importantly, not allowing our minds to wander too far from the conversation.
When dealing with a challenging conversation, make an effort to listen mindfully. People will more likely listen to you if they themselves feel that they are being heard.
Before the conversation, take a moment to pause. Focus on your breathing and the sensations in your body. Note passing thoughts without judgment, letting any noisy self-talk fade into the background. Set the intention to focus wholeheartedly on the conversation before you begin. Be sure to remove any obvious distractions and keep an open mind.
Pay attention to what is being said instead of thinking “I know what the person is saying and how I’m going to respond”
Pay attention to what you are saying. Rather than trying to get your point across and just saying what you believe to be true, listen to your own words as they are spoken.
Ask questions to seek clarity…and give the other person time to answer before interrupting.
If tensions rise and things get heated, take a moment to pause again – even one deep breath and feeling your feet on the ground can help regulate our emotions.
Mindful listening can help us achieve positive outcomes in challenging conversations. It takes time to cultivate a mindfulness practice however, and starting small (e.g. with a simple pause before a conversation) is often the best way to go.